Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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