my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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