Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
