Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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