my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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