Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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