The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
