I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
