I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
