Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
