i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
