I can text with my tongue
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
