remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your penis caused this!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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