i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
