oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
