Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
