My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
