after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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