whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love you. Go after that dick
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
