were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
