Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
