I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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