I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
