im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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