Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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