you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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