Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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