u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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