dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
