I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
