I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
