It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
