considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
