don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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