I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You can't motorboat a personality
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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