You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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