Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
