he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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