I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
