My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
