Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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