I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
