His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
