did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
