spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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