flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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