Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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