the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
