He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I believe in your delicious
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
