Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
