Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
