so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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