before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
