My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
