end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
