Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my vagina is haunted
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
